Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Jurassic Park Inspired Plans Will Extinct Us All, Must Be Quashed

Since way back in 1993, when the movie adaptation of Jurassic Park, we knew the popularization of Michael Crichton's dinosaur nightmare novel would be the end of us. Well, that prediction seems frighteningly close to fruition.

A researcher named Hans Larsson, who cites Jurassic Park as his inspiration, announced this week that he could soon to play God with Chicken genomes to create creatures with dino-like characteristics.

As we all know, dinosaurs and birds are closely related, so by pulling a DNA switcheroo, Larsson says, he can produce an army of prehistoric monsters. In an effort to lull humanity into a false sense of security, Larsson insists he doesn't have immediate plans to do so, because it would simply be too large an undertaking.

While the prospect of dinosaurs roaming the world is unsettling enough, consider where Larsson's getting the dough for his project: Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council of Canada, the Canada Research Chairs programme and National Geographic. Now, we don't want to tell the President how to do his job, but this should end.

Imagine if terrorists got their hands on the research! Osama bin Laden would be riding up and down Manhattan on a T-Rex and suicide Pterodactyls would be crashing from coast-to-coast. Something. Must. Be. Done.

First step: invent time machine. Second step: stop Jurassic Park's publication. Third step: live happily ever after.

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